Al Retzloff’s Card Room Will Raise You One

AL RETZLOFF’S CARD ROOM WILL RAISE YOU ONE First there’s the 5-ton A/C unit, installed so that guests of the late chemical executive and Indy car sponsor “could open the floor-to-ceiling doors facing the number 13 ladies tee box” at the neighboring Houston Country Club “while staying cool,” says the current owner of 302 Shadywood Rd., who’s now listing it for sale. The opposite wall, however, made it harder to get through to Retzloff and his pals: Windowless and 10-in. thick, it served “as a security feature against drive-by shootings.” Up top, “The TV came out of the ceiling using a 3/4 horsepower motor.” And on the roof directly above was a full-service helipad — but not for long: “The neighbors and the HOA shut it down due to the noise.” [Previously on Swamplot] Photo: HAR

12 Comment

  • I didn’t know drive by shootings were a, um, concern in Tanglewood.

  • I can’t understand why anyone who values peace and quiet would want to live on a golf course. Every minute from sunup to sundown on the weekends, you have people walking around in your ‘backyard.’ And then a loud THWACK! or four.
    All. Day. Long

  • Shockingly tasteless. Nothing matches or flows from one room to the next.

  • “Home was build [sic] with Thermal Mass stone walls which is all the rage of green builders now.” “Another green feature are bamboo floors…” because being “green” is *obviously* a concern when you have a 5-ton AC unit that you’re running with the doors open.

  • To OB’s point, bear in mind also that golfers, as a rule, suck at golf. If you doubt that assertion, google how much is spent on products and services by golfers to enhance their performance.

    Although neither play the game, the development in which my parents reside contains a golf course. The course is not known for being especially challenging and the hole I describe below is notably unremarkable in that regard.

    The fairway of the hole runs west to east parallel to the north side of my parents’ home. Between the fairway and the house lies a broad water hazard. Past the hazard, there is an extensive wash through which herds of javelinas, solitary mountain lions and other assorted Sonoran fauna frequently pass. Between the critters, the dessert birds, the saguaros, a rather majestic ironwood tree, and the mountains in the background, it’s rather scenic. Finally, at the end of the wash there is a fifteen foot high stone embankment upon which my parents backyard, replete with pool and built-in stainless steel grill, is sited.

    I’ve examined the layout of the course and, if you hit the hazard, you hooked the ball something awful. I’ve seen golfers, foolishly, on the nearside of the hazard searching for balls in the wash. The nicest thing one can say about javelinas is that they always reek of skunk spray. You might think a mountain lion would be more dangerous and in some senses it is but you needn’t worry about a pack of them charging you.

    I am baffled by how the people who frequently hit balls all the way to my parents house manage it. My simplest hypothesis is that they are profoundly mistaken as to which direction the green is. Every now and then the management company will come by to patch the adobe walls but nothing is going to take that big dent out of the grill. Also, there is nothing quite like the rapid crackling sound of ironwood branches being struck by a passing ball, followed by the anti-climatic plop of the ball dropping into the pool.

    On the positive side of the ledger, the first day of a visit for the grandkids is basically an ersatz Easter egg hunt for rather expensive golf balls and it gives the pool guy something extra to do. At one point, Mom had a five gallon bucket full of the things before she realized it made no sense to collect them.

    When the grandkids aren’t there, it is dead silent in that house. There is not even the whir of an HVAC unit. Imagine yourself sitting in the study, sitting in a comfortable chair, reading a book. The house’s roof is made of steel. Without warning, a ball strikes the roof with the bang of a hammer blow.

    It’s unsettling.

  • That was highly entertaining, Tim!
    Can you be a bit more specific, geographically?

    Good stuff.

  • Sounds like Phoenix or Tucson.

  • Tim, is that the course in Lajitas?

  • This is in the vicinity of Tucson, near the Tortolita mountains.

    If you visit, I highly recommend making a trip to the Dessert Museum (in the morning). Just remember no matter where you are in Tucson you are a 45 minute drive to anywhere else.

  • Just putting this out there: Swamplot could squeeze $1-2 a month out of me for the ability to edit posts.

    Dessert birds and museums are probably pretty cool but not what I was talking about.

  • Tim- stick with dessert birds, dessert mammals and down home descriptions of the easy life. That’s not a bad thing!

  • Further proof that money doesn’t buy taste.