Neighborhood Guessing Game: The Shortened Bartender

It’s time we played the Neighborhood Guessing Game again, dontcha think? The winner of this week’s round will receive a one-year individual membership in the Rice Design Alliance.

Shall we review the rules? Look at the photos in this post. Then guess where the pictured home is. If you guess correctly, you win the RDA membership! If more than one player guesses the correct neighborhood, the player who provided the best explanation for the guess wins.

If you already know this home, or if you come across it while we’re playing, there are special rules for you: Don’t blurt out the answer — it ruins the game for everyone else, and you’ll likely make a lot of other players angry. Instead, send Swamplot an email with a link to the listing. Then, make an incorrect guess, but make it sound plausible. If you do this well and confuse other players in the process, you’ll win special recognition for your talents. And if no one guesses the actual neighborhood, you could win the prize!

On to the photos . . .


Surely you’ve figured this one out by now! Where else could it be?

Got it? Your guesses go in the comments. We’ll announce the answer — and the prize winner — on Thursday!

Update, 5/7: Want the answer?

Photos: HAR

37 Comment

  • Sugarland – First Colony?

    P.S. I still don’t understand people trying to sell a house with pictures of their furniture in it. Especially when tastes are as eclectic as this.

  • I think this is early 2000s construction in The Woodlands.

  • Too busy to get snarky about the stupid wall paintings. But, I think this house is in Kingwood. Not enough money to be on the golf course, but across the street with the wannabees.

  • Clear Lake, Brook Forest. Someone took an art class in the early ’90s and was so proud they painted the mural over the fireplace.

  • I’ll take Kingwood. Owners have a hobby (habit?) of going “Antiquing” probably Round Top or Fredericksburg. They long to move out to the country, but they bought too much house, too much junk, and their daughters are in college (1@ Texas State and 1@ A&M). This listing is their exit strategy to a ranchette in yet another master planned community.

    P.S. I particularly like the safari motif of Dad’s office, Mom went through a faux finishing phase and made him the leopard print filing cabinet as a Father’s day present. A tiger print throw draped over the filing cabinet, a globe and a palm tree print round out the look, and were all purchased at Tuesday Morning for 60-80 percent off. Meanwhile, The Thinker looks on.

  • Crap…while I was writing my detailed guess, Brad jumped in and took my guess! My second choice guess is Cypress.

  • OK, two story house. not surrounded by alot of land. looking out of the guest room (vacuum patterns on the carpet) you can see a street close by. and you can see trees. trees in the front, trees in the back. a pool close enough to the house to imply a tight front to back fit.

    the house is old. pre 2000s old. maybe even late 80s old.

    cement streets. this narrows it down and eliminates kingwood. i know “The Woodlands” is already up here, so in the (mean) spirit of bidding $1 over on the Price is Right. that is my guess too, banking on the additional detail.

  • Fairly new construction, could be any upscale-ish suburb in the metro area. Because it’s so countri-licious, I’ll go again with one of the bigger, older Silverlake houses near the lake. But in case Gus is being tricky, I’ll toss out a backup guess and say that this is an early Bellaire McMansion. Not much back yard behind that pool and dollop of greenery.

  • Grrrr. I thought I’d posted, but I think I got distracted.

    At first, I thought, “Energy Corridor in West Houston since this reminds me of my parents’ 1989 Kickerello house. Their bar looked short too since it was supposed to have a step down. Lots of similar features–such as the windows over the front doors and the built-ins in the study. The “use of paint,” instead of wall paper, however, leads me to believe it’s slightly newer. Oh, and the staircase is a bit more modern too. But the knobs on the kitchen cabinets! Valances, swags & borders. Oh, so early 90s. I think, however, the house is a bit farther out than Eldridge/Highway 6. I’d venture to say it’s in Cinco Ranch . . . perhaps Kelliwood?

  • Bay Oaks in Clear Lake

  • North of I-10, directly west of Barker-Cypress Rd., off Parkview Rd. (South of Saums and Cullen Park and north of
    Government Rd.).

    Or not.

  • P.S.

    The sunken bar is so drunks won’t fall off normal height bar stools.

  • Ugh. Normally I like to look closely at the pictures for clues but these pictures make my brain hurt. So… much… frill! Looks like Katy to me, maybe near Barker Cypress or Greenhouse. I bet there are some fantastic home-made scrapbooks filled with 3d stickers lying around there somewhere.

  • Early 90’s McMansion from AnyBurb, USA. But I’d guess there was a Hobby Lobby close by.

  • Looks like someone likes craft fairs….

  • Oh dear Lord how I long for another guessing game of one of those godawful 50s ranchettes after seeing this trainwreck. I am so focused on the travesty called interior decoration that I cannot focus on the house itself. Since the furnishings look like they all came lock, stock and barrel from The Accessory Place and this looks like 12+ year old style, I will assume that this homeowner had easy access to the Town and Country store straight down the Beltway into Ft Bend County. Since First Colony was picked, I’ll say Missouri City vicinity. It could be Katy but it seems a little green for the prarie. It could be Lakewood Forest but I am more focused on finding an aspirin to combat the headache from that faux paint than to give any more thought to this.

  • Oooo la la…Miz Brooke Smith is too fadumpt to venture a guess on this overdone could-be-anywhere 1990’s McSpecial, and she’s afraid she’d trip over all the furniture. But she wonders who among the Guessing Game regulars would volunteer interior photos of his or her own abode for dissection by fellow players? Turnabout is fair play.

  • Who knew you could furnish an entire house at Kirkland’s?

  • It appears the infamous Busy Betties gang of bored neighborhood housewives knocked off another Michael’s Arts & Crafts store and needed a house to store their stash. After watching the entire collection of Trading Spaces episodes (again) they got to work and puked their magic all over this house. When the home owners arrived home from their vacation and found that their previously neutral-toned, mind-numbingly average, suburban McMansion had been turned into a Cracker Barrel nightmare they couldn’t even bear to set foot in their house and immediately put it on the market as is. The challenge of un-decorating this house without endlessly vomiting awaits a brave buyer. Or maybe this should just be considered a tear-down. After all, a 15 year-old house just doesn’t cut the mustard anymore in Barker-Cypress (let’s say somewhere in the vicinity of Pine Forest Country Club).

  • Must not look at photos any longer. I guess Pearland…since it has to be close to Tuesday Morning, Hobby Lobby and Michaels.

  • Lots of oversize rooms and a pool make it ideal for energy corridor expats coming over from the dreary cold homeland. An outside picture would show at least one V8 powered car/suv.

    Too big for the south of I10 energy corridor, to old (black appliances) for Lakes of Eldridge. I’m guessing twin lakes. Where ever it is the agent should earn a double commission on the sale.

  • This “High Texas Tacky” confection is located in Jersey Village. The decor is a weak attempt at keeping up with the neighbors – Scary!

  • Wow. Someone REALLY loves their stencils. MINE EYES!

  • I see Northgate Forest in my crystal ball:
    It’s 1990 and this house wows from the street with its broad façade and chimneys at both ends, despite the minimal backyard and non-existent sides.
    On the spring tour of homes, attendees gasp in appreciation & envy for the flying staircase and the sprawling, angley floorplan! Its stacked crown-molding & custom drapes trump mostly 8’ ceilings & cheap windows.

  • A couple of the comments made me go back and look at the pictures again. I think I threw up in my mouth. The decorating is wretched.

  • The kitchen and the living room fireplace remind me of a friend’s house. Since this could be any suburb, anywhere, I’ll just go with that. Deer Park, off of 225 across from the refineries. The specific neighborhood is called Wimberly.

  • This house is much older than the guesses. This sunken bar is a vestige of the sunken living room. 1970’s early 80’s pre bust energy corridor north of Westheimer south of Memorial. The curved flying Scarlett O’Hara staircase makes it a bit more upscale: Lakeside area.

  • Seems to me this could be one of those big Perry homes in the land of Sugar, too. ‘Wood’ floor is shiny, shiny; when they bought they left the carpet in rooms where it was with the builder’s package. Older black appliances in the kitchen but a while fridge that still has room for more magnets.

  • Andrea already said the magic word- Kickerillo. Last week, I got kicked in the pants, so I have high hopes this time. I’m going with the Fry Rd south of I-10 area. I even sticking my neck out and betting this place was featured during the 1993 “Showcase of Homes – Illusions of Grandeur”.

  • I would like to talk to “the man of the house”. Poor guy gets only one room that is not totally “fancified” yet it is a dyspeptic mix of Tommy Bahama and Call Me Bwana. I love the Glamour Shot of him and Lil Miss on the shelf behind the desk (with burnt orange office chair). I was going to go with Kelliwood, too, but I’ll take a shot at Meyerland since Big Daddy probably works/ worked for a small independent oil company based along Post Oak Blvd. Those photos made me love and appreciate my wife just a wee bit more.

  • Ah, yes, Hubby’s retreat…not a mere suburban study, but actually a historically important early example of the Man Cave, tainted though it be by the feminine decorating touch. Perhaps the master of the house has a mini-fridge hidden away in there, keeping his beer cold for when he needs a break from all the floof in the rest of his castle.

  • The Woodlands – the older part nearer the country club, mall, etc. Somebody took classes in decorative painting!
    Room sizes, trim choices all point to early 90’s – 94-95 – stucco exterior, basic woodlands abode.

  • Looking at the “man room”, I see some tissue sitting alone on the blotter. A clue? Has the newly-widowed lady of craft city been sitting in his chair sobbing the demise of her hubby? I also thought I saw a miniature of Rodin’s “The Thinker”, but realized it is actually LeRoy Jackson’s “The Crapper” which they picked up at Buc-EEs on one of their trips to Branson.

  • Okay that goose on the DR table is looking at me & giving me the willies. Maybe that’s why all the LR furniture is huddled together trying to fit on the rug like Titanic survivors on a lifeboat.

    They’ve been in the house long enough to move the furniture around – I’d bet dollars to donuts the china cabinet in the DR was under the clump of stenciling on the left hand wall before. And surely they didn’t start out with 14 fake flower arrangements in the breakfast room. There’s a gray goose in the den too, Lord, Lord, Lord.

    I said “Woodlands” to myself before I finished looking at all the pictures, and I say it still. I’ve seen similar houses (structure, NOT decorating) below Memorial west of Voss – they probably flooded last week.

  • Late to the game this week. This is suburbia and I was thinking Kingwood, but it could really be quite a number of hoods.

  • Has anyone yet guessed Spring? That’s where I think this beauty is. Close access to affordable shlock, lots of crafty influences.

  • Must. Not. Stare. Er, uh, I’m feeling a little dizzy. Could it be Katy or westward? Wow! This is a great place!