Pearland Home of the Bloggess Is Guaranteed Zombie-Free. Sort Of

Jenny Lawson, known to her thousands of devoted blog and Twitter followers as the Bloggess, tells Swamplot her home in Southern Trails is “pretty and airy and there are NO ZOMBIES around. Unless you’re into zombies.”

And if we are? “Then I can get you zombies. Probably.” This is in Pearland, right?

Oh, but the place looks so . . . normal? Maybe that’s because the Kitchen shamwow comforter insulation pictured above — installed late last month to absorb any suds that might emerge from a laundry-detergent-fortified dishwasher — is missing from the listing photos. The listing does include, however, this family Castle-Study Area:


The suburban home of the suburban blog favorite has been on the market since late May — just a couple of days before the dishwasher incident, actually. But yesterday the price was slashed $9K, to $219,000 $210,000.

“I’m moving to my new (to me) house in days so it’s pointless to stalk me,” Lawson tweeted earlier today. The planned move coincides with Lawson’s recently announced book deal. Publishers Marketplace describes her forthcoming “mostly true” memoir as “Little House on the Prairie, but with more cursing.”

Much of that cursing, of course, originates in front of this famous bookshelf backdrop in the front of the house. The 3-bedroom, 2-bath 2007 David Weekley home sits across from a park, on a 7,544-sq.-ft. lot.

Late Update: “The dishwasher shamwow is inside the oven,” Lawson adds. “Just in case…” Is that in place of a home warranty?

Dishwasher photo: Jennifer Lawson

26 Comment

  • Southern Trails is just miles away from where I was hatched.

  • I tweeted about zombies and almost immediately the price dropped to $210k. I can only assume my realtor is trying to do some sort of damage control. Some people *like* zombies. For the challenge. Or for kindling. I don’t actually know what you do with zombies.

  • As a follower of Jenny on Twitter and via the blog, I couldn’t pass up checking this description.

    I’ll take my sans zombies.

  • The resemblance to my brother’s house (also in TX) is frightening. Does that ensure that his house will also be a safe place when the zombie apocalypse happens? I need to know this… just so I know where to go and all…

    Also? If I had money, I would totally buy your house…. but I’m in grad school, so there’s pretty much no chance.

  • Ok, I’ll spill the beans, we don’t have REAL zombies in Southern Trails. What people have seen are the fake ones we put out at night. It’s a scheme dreamed up by our Neighhborhood Watch program that works on the scarecrow principle. We set them up around the neighborhood after dark, then before the next morning we rush out and pick them up. We take turns hiding them in different garages.

  • Now I know why there are so many Zombies wandering through Silverlake: the people of Southern Trails have scared them into crossing 288! I’ve temporarily set up shop in Pearland since January and have found the place to be stinkin’ with Zombies from the get go. Now I know the reason. Thanks, Swamplot!

  • the listing agent of this property has a great porn stache’

  • Apparently I’m not the only person to make the laundry for dishwasher detergent mistake.

    In the early 60s, I made the liquid dish soap for dishwasher detergent mistake. My Mommy was not happy.

  • I heard all of the good zombies live in Friendswood.

  • Southern Trails – Right next to the Blue Ridge Landfill and property taxes that are out of this world. No wonder she is moving.

  • Weird. I didn’t even know we had a landfill in Pearland until I read this comment. We’re on the far East side of Southern Trails though so it’s not in our area. Good to know though…

  • Ok that is a beautiful home. But the “no zombies” clause kind of takes the mystique away… though the ShamWow incident is alluring.

    Good luck on the sale!

  • That’s a $219k house? In my neighborhood, $219k wouldn’t buy you a rundown 1970s condo next to a meth lab. I’ll take it. Hell, I will take TWO. Still cheaper than a 900 sf fixer-upper next to the train tracks here. Wow. I am flummoxed.

  • Nice house…too bad it’s in Texas. If you move it to someplace further north you’ll probably sell it.

  • Damn. I have to move to Houston and buy me a gorgeous house for 200K. I’m with Suebob. Although here, 200K might get you the actual meth lab.

  • Tell Victor to get off his ass and power wash that driveway.

  • Is that a sword rack I see? We have a sword on our wall too. It’s from the Air Force Academy and is inscribed, “Not a great place to be, but a great place to be from”

    It would appear “Do not end a sentence with a preposition” is not taught to our troops. Or more specifically “my” troop as the sword belongs to my husband.

  • the fact that it’s looks exactly like other houses in the neighborhood should be listed because that actually *protects* you from zombie apocalypse attacks. Zombies aren’t very smart, so when they come into your house, they’ll be like, “Balls. We’ve already hit this one like, 5 times.” and leave you alone to loot the other houses that were more expensive and unique. They’ve probably got some good stuff in there.

  • Um can I have your miniatures collection?

    Or the dollhouse with the tiny Tarot cards? That would be totally okay with me.

  • Is your cat included in the sale price?

  • Strangely, Jenny’s kitchen shamwow looks exactly like some of the soundproofing material in my husband’s recording studio. Apparently that comforter is quite functional!

  • Great house! If we were moving back to TX you could totally persuade me to look at your house. And? in MA $210K *might* buy you the doghouse in the backyard of a 3br/2 bath… ;-) Good thing you’re not moving up here! (Except I wish you were!)

  • But…where is James Garfield?

  • If it doesn’t sell soon I think you should play up it’s zombiness. You’re missing a real niche market there and where else are they going to spend their money? They can’t go to the mall or the movies you know. They’re actually a minority and have suffered from discrimination for centuries, just because they like to eat the brain of a neighbor occasionally…

  • Jenny – it’s totally weird. You have some of the same pictures in your house that I do and that stained glass in the kitchen is hte same one my mother has. It’s like we are twins separated at birth only we don’t look alike and don’t have the same parents. Yes, totally like twins….

    I would buy your house if I lived in Texas – just to tell people that you used to live there. Instead of an alarm system I will just put a picture of your head on one of the stakes and put in the the ground. To keep the zombies away of course.

  • Wow, I totally thought your house would be a lot messier/crazier/less normal.