An Upper Kirby Cremation Services Company’s Sign Might Be a Little Too Enthusiastic


“I know what they were going for but I think it’s the ‘We will come to you’ that I find upsetting,” writes Houston Chronicle culture critic Andrew Dansby on his Facebook page.

Dansby tells Swamplot that he spotted the sign in front of the business at 3414 S. Shepherd Dr. while out walking recently and believes it open to two interpretations, other than the no-doubt intended expression of eagerness to provide good service.

One, that they could be so eager, they are ready to pounce on you and cremate you against your will:


Or there’s the “ridiculously obvious” reading:

“‘We will come to you!’ Instead of, y’know, you dropping off your deceased loved one as though he/she were dry cleaning.”

Sort of like “The Undertakers,” a still-shocking 1970 Monty Python sketch.

Photo: Andrew Dansby

Funeral Blues

21 Comment

  • These guys don’t have a f-ing clue. Everything about that sign….the logo, the color, the font, the name, the funnily shaped “f” would be more appropriate for a trendy beauty salon. When it comes to funeral parlors people don’t want slick and new. They want distinguished, respectable and well-established. These guys look like they set up yesterday and will be gone before your meemaw is in the ground.

  • One of my favorite taglines comes from the Illinois Cremation Society: ‘Thinking outside the box.”

  • They make their money on Repeat Business.

  • Progg – you clearly don’t have a f-ing clue. Business for this company is growing fast. They’ve added new locations, added more vans, been shown on MANY news segments and articles. The owner has been in the funeral business for over 20 years, including owning other successful, still operating, more traditional funeral companies. Open your eyes and look around. People buy coffins on-line and at Costco. Not everyone can afford a $20,000 funeral. You almost sound like a disgruntled competitor who wishes he had a good, new, modern idea.

  • They’ve also started running (frequent) local TV commercials. I find the EDM music in the background a little dissonant with the subject matter…

  • I understand where the writer is coming from when he speaks of our sign and the two possible meanings. I assure you that our sign is all about the personal service we offer and our ability to serve families in the comfort of their home. @Progg, I am proud to let you know that we have five locations in Houston as well as two in Dallas. After twenty-two years I not only have stability in business but I also have a clue. When you speak of people not wanting anything new, it is obvious that you are not aware of the world today. So please by all means go to the old Wall Street owned funeral “parlor” home and spend thousands of dollars. I am very proud of my business and can provide over seven hundred references from the past year should you need.

  • Having used Distinctive Life Cremation & Funerals personally, I couldn’t have gotten through this time without their support and guidance. The fact that they came to me at my time of need and met me in the comfort of my home was a blessing. I would highly recommend them to anyone in need of their services.

  • I’m not a customer, just a neighbor. I don’t mind the Distinctive Life business being there any more than I minded the car detailing place before it, or than I mind DL’s competition across the street, the Neptune Society. This reminded me of the story in the Chron this week, “Funerals Get Creative”, about how the modern “personalized” funeral is different from the stodgy traditional funerals of the past.

  • Bob, I don’t want to “stick up for” progg, but you seem to know a bit more about this business than a typical commentor.
    If Progg sounds like a disgruntled competitor, then to be fair you sort of sound like a paid spokesperson.

  • It’s like those windshield repair services that will come fix your car window where you work. Guess these guys are ready, no matter where you keel over.

  • The attitude of the employees at this business who take the time to post aggressive and hostile comments on a random blog just to counter a few remarks tells me all I need to know about this business. It paints an image of a couple of meatheads driving around in a van with a grim reaper sticker signing people up with the aggressiveness and lack of class of a gym membership salesman.

  • Bob may sound like a spokesperson but everything he said is true. Progg was so off the mark, “These guys look like they set up yesterday and will be gone before your meemaw is in the ground.” Yeah right…

  • @Bob/Jeff:

    I’m going to assume you are the same person (or at minimum that Bob works with at Distinctive Life). AFter my mother died had I come across your company’s website I would have found it completely distasteful for too many reasons to name but I will go ahead and name one: the video complete with your fleet of vans in action along with background techno music. It’s something you might see for a carpet steamer or an a/c service company. Luckily I found a family-owned respecting funeral home that did a great job that didn’t make me feel like I was buying new window dressings for my home and, no, the bill was nowhere near $20k. Try about $6k for a cremation. Having said that, if your style of funeral home is what people want, more power to you. I guess it’s not surprising considering the amount of social and cultural garbage that exists today.

  • All the hubbub over a modern font and different style of marketing. Heck, I kind of like it. When I kick the bucket, I want people to throw a freaking rager in my memory and eschew wearing black. Not to celebrate that I am gone, but to celebrate that I lived a good life and enjoyed myself along the way. Drabness doesn’t necessarily meet the preferred attitude of the deceased.

  • Progg — different strokes for different folks. Some folks prefer Blue Bell’s Homemade Vanilla; others prefer Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. Just because you want a traditional funeral doesn’t mean that everyone does, nor are they required to.

  • That should have stuck with “We put the FUN in FUNERAL”

  • Some of you can’t keep a discussion straight. I didn’t say a single word about preferred funeral styles.

  • Think of your prepositions: “we will come to you”, or “we will come for you”. :-)

  • Creative minds will find patterns without even trying or donning a sombrero. My father would have found yet another interpretation; and then he would probably ridicule the marketing. Personally I agree that the graphic art capability is sub standard. But I don’t recall them being around when my father passed all of the sudden. My mother and I went to arrange cremation services in more or less a “comfortable office” setting. now consider we had SO many other things to manage with all at the same time. But it was fine. They took care of us. We weren’t the only ones in line, either. And, I have to say, THAT was weird. I mean, here we are engaging in something terribly unnatural, and… “come on in, we’ll see you now” (and, again, this situation was entirely coincidental and the funeral home a) hadn’t anything to do with it, b) we scheduled ahead, c) the other Loved Ones arrived unscheduled, d) the the funeral home did a nice job to minimize it all, and e) we were in line first :).
    But, if you’ve been through this before: I would much prefer the funeral director to visit you on your own turf. To me I think that any talk about death is taboo or poetic; and when someone dies well shit your life sucks for a bit. But IF had they been around we might have thought about it (them visiting us at home versus us going to them– it would have been a lot nicer considering everything going on). In my line of thought, the next time I need to engage in such affairs I am going to say, “Well, what do you mean you can’t come to my place?” You can’t take it with you, but at least these guys might just get my inevitable business in the meantime.
    Clearly, Distinctive needs “to come” to a marketing firm; great idea otherwise.

  • I plan to overdose and fall into the fireplace. Two birds….

    I really don’t think this holds a candle to realtors who troll obituaries and send potential offer letters to the deceased’s address.