What Are the Best Swamplot Comments You’ve Ever Read (or Made)?

WHAT ARE THE BEST SWAMPLOT COMMENTS YOU’VE EVER READ (OR MADE)? Here’s another request for longtime readers: Help us identify the greatest reader comments ever posted on Swamplot! Why is your help needed? A whopping 133,000 or so reader comments appeared on this site over the course of 12 years, making it tough to find all the gems. Fortunately, Swamplot’s regular Comment of the Day feature highlighted some of the best (all 1,500 or so of them, over the course of 12 years). But a lot of great comments missed their day in the spotlight for various reasons — often because too many other great choices came in on the same day. For many, absorbing the comments and back-and-forth from our diverse readership was the whole point of reading Swamplot. Can you help us surface the best, to help show why? Add your links to the comments section below, or send us your picks privately, in an email. We hope to create a more definitive list from what you gather. Illustration: Lulu

10 Comment

  • Need a top 10 Commonsense response post

  • @Mr.Clean19 – knowing how highly he thinks of himself, he likely kept a running list

  • That’s going to be hard to answer, because I think somewhere along the line, Swamplot changed its software sometime in 2008 and lost the original comments on the oldest posts.

  • My favorite Swamplot coverage was on the “Bandit Wendy’s” that is located on Kirby Dr. They were the Wendy’s that cut all the small trees down (in the middle of the night?) and then later had to replant them. I’m not sure how to find the article, but it was mighty entertaining.

    BTW, I shall miss Swamplot. One of my favorite web sites.

  • One of my favorite comments. I can’t believe this was almost 5 years ago.

    mfn8
    October 29, 2014 at 7:50 pm
    Had the Greenbriar exit off 59N been open last night at 9:30 pm, I never would have stumbled across this–the worst case of arborcide I’ve personally witnessed. When my car’s headlights swept across the SE corner of Kirby and North Boulevard, I immediately noticed an absence and felt a profound “disturbance in the field” if you know what I mean. I pulled over, and when I opened my car door the insane, insistent screams of several chainsaws brrrzzzzzing at once filled my ears and the (once, to me) lovely scent of freshly cut healthy oak filled the air. I was deranged by the arrogant insanity confronting me, I was almost blinded by confusion. Another man (who seemed sane) was photographing and said “They’ve already got 6 of them,” when he walked by me to get in his car.

    I started shouting at everyone to “Stop” and then shouting in Spanish to the men clambering in and out of the huge “cage” landscaping trailers which held the limbs and trunks of murdered live oaks, but they kept working in the dark, sawing down into the accumulated body parts of trees in order to compact the piling limbs and foliage, their heads hung in shame. (I am still stunned by what I witnessed last night, but grateful that I didn’t witness the maiming of a worker moving so fast with a whirring chainsaw, standing alongside another tree-dissector on top of limbs piled and shifting in a trailer, in total darkness. It was crazily dangerous and certainly not OSHA approved.)

    I took pictures and video I until my iPhone died.

    The crew boss–who self-identified as Freddy, of Freddy’s Landscaping and More–approached me and wanted to know why I was taking pictures. I could barely speak. I asked him who hired him and did he realize there was a hefty fine for cutting street trees. I was insistent. He got his “boss” on the line and nonchalantly handed his cellphone to me. I couldn’t hear well through the whine of chainsaws, but I believe this man’s name was “Brock”. When I demanded whether he had a permit to cut the trees, he replied, “Hey, Lady, I’m just the contractor.” I asked who hired him and he very clearly–spelling it out–said “Haza Foods.”

    I drove away, grabbed a neighbor and civic club leader and went back to the scene. We called 311, we called the police, we documented the decimation as well as we could (it was very dark.) My neighbor knew more than I did about the City ordinance and told Freddy what the fine could possibly be (if you measured all the “caliper inches” of the stumps) and he said (this is a DIRECT quote) “Go ahead–fine me! They’ll pay me back, and more!”

    We waited for HPD while Freddy and his crew cleaned up all but the largest stumps and trunks and left. A HPD Sergeant responded and did take a police report.

    When I got home I sent the pictures to as many neighbors as I could, and to the Chronicle tip lines–citydesk@chron.com, neighborhoods@chron.com, and kathy.huber@chron.com.

    This morning I made “DO NOT CUT THIS TREE” signs and attached them to two remaining trees with packing tape around their trunks. One of the men working on the site yelled, “Get a life, lady!” and when I asked a worker nearby why those trees had to go he said, “They f@#$ up the concrete.”

  • Any comment goofing on Commonsense or Cody

  • Whichever comment that I made that maximized the use of the em dash as a percentage of all characters. This punctuational proclivity is a rhetorical trademark of sorts.
    .
    I really liked how Swamplot would convert two hyphens in a row into an em dash. It is so much less of a hassle than typing out Alt-0151. Nobody else and nowhere else does that.

  • I nominate me!

  • “Randall Davis should have stuck to being a banker like he was in that Harry Potter movie.” Don’t know who to credit for that one.