Just Listed: $3.2 Million on the Shores of Lake Woodlands

What’s hiding
behind the gates at this brand new listing in The Woodlands? Oh, can’t it just be a surprise? What you’re working with: 6-7 bedrooms (one of those in a separate apartment), 6 1/2 baths, and a 4-car attached garage. An unmentionable amount of square footage on a 35,588-sq.-ft. lot. And a private dock at the stub end of one of Lake Woodlands’ many splayed fingers. All dating from 1990.

Don’t you want a peek?


The circular drive in front:

Asking price: $3.2 million.

34 Comment

  • Now my eyes hurt from looking at the pictures. Whomever was the interior decorator should have their professional job description changed to “interior desecrator”. Not too hot on the landscaping either.

  • I’m not usually one for such a lavish home, but wow…that place is pretty damn awesome!

  • I hope that’s not EIFIS on the exterior, I’ve seen too many homes on Lake Woodlands built with that in the 90’s and now have all kinds of structural and moisture issues.

  • Wonder what the homeowner is trying to say with the naked statues behind the shrub at the circular driveway ….

  • Who wants to dust all of that?!

  • this is just plain trashy after having seen the beauty that a little over $1MM will get you in sugarland.

    i guess all suburbs aren’t created equal. either deal with the meth-heads in sugarland or the uppity folks in woodlands.

  • That kitchen is right out of Ikea, blech! Looks like the last time they decorated was 1994.

  • joel,
    That’s the interior. People still do have the right to decorate the interior of their houses, for now.
    I’ve been in more than one house in The Woodlands and wouldn’t call all people in The Woodlands “uppity” or even any of them, based on poor decorating taste of one person.
    Haven’t you seen poor taste in other neighborhoods in and around Houston? Someone who plants palm trees in TW or plops down a Tuscan near the Heights does not represent all the people around them.

  • Standard late 80s early 90s modern style pulled right out of a movie.

  • Gosh foks, it isn’t THAT bad. We’ve seen much worse for a whole lot more $$$ here on Swamplot. As far as the nude statues, perhaps the owner prefers a rear entry. Just sayin’…..

  • eiioi,

    i was just basing the term on the price and not the interior as that’s a lot of money for the ‘burbs. but if the woodlands isn’t uppity, how can you justify the pricing? i know there’s many high-paying jobs in the adjacent area, but not that many. i couldn’t even begin to imagine what 3.2 million could buy out on lake houston and that commute is a whole lot easier.

  • joel,

    The Woodlands is a true mixed income universe.

    They have many multi-million dollar mansions and many apartments and duplexes. The bulk are your standard upper 100k and lower 200k homes just like any other suburb.

    It is by no mean uppity. It’s very much mixed.

  • OMG – the furniture/decorating must have been mixed up with another house! Can’t believe the realtor doesn’t suggest taking it all out and staging with something that acutally looks good.

  • I saw this listing pop up on HAR yesterday and just knew I’d see it here today! Congrats on your fine eye, Swamplot!

  • I have to concur that it’s not quite as horrible as I was expecting, though everything lacks personality — as if the property and its furnishings were selected from the pages of a mega-mansion builder’s stock catalog. What kind of $3.2M kitchen doesn’t have a ventilation hood over the stove?

    The only exception seems to be the Master Bedroom — which is the worst room shown.

  • No way is that 3.2M! Ugly.

  • @ Patrick,
    The range vents through the slab; there’s a moveable riser at the back of it. All the rage in ranges.

  • Seems to be a definite disconnect between the exterior and interior. Wait, this isn’t Chamillionaire’s house, is it?

  • to Mies: Nope

  • Kind of reminds me of the 80s movie ‘Less than Zero’.

  • I’ve heard that staging a home always makes it sell quicker. I’ve never been a fan of staging.

    I’d much rather see a place completely empty. I have a vivid imagination…..

  • Money Can’t Buy You Class, Elegance is Learned!

  • I just want to know where the Nagel is hiding. Or the wall mural of Billy Idol with the neon earring.

  • from kjb: “Standard late 80s early 90s modern style pulled right out of a movie.”

    The definition conflation of modern to include these monstrosities is an alarming trend that I was discussing with my other architect friends recently.

    But what to call them? Certainly they’re not modern in the proper, specific architectural sense of the word, but they are modern in the way lay people use the word.

    Some say, use the word “contemporary” to describe these, but what will we do in 20 years? The cycle of what to call homes of the next generation will just be repeated, with the contentious word becoming contemporary instead of modern.

    How about American eclectic?

  • The term I have heard the most to describe a house like this, besides FUGLY, is “soft contemporary.”

  • Bobby Hadley,

    How about “Cocaine Chic” ?

  • Is that a pixie riding a watermelon slice in photo #10? Because…why?

  • kjb: done. I’ll begin spreading the term.

  • “All gay men have track lighting, and all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.” – Steel Magnolias

    My guess is that the owner of this house loved that movie when it came out in 1989 and is named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

  • From Garden Oaksian:
    “All gay men have track lighting, and all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.” – Steel Magnolias

    My guess is that the owner of this house loved that movie when it came out in 1989 and is named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

    No gay man know could have decorated this house. No gay man I know would live in this house. It is, well, too dull. Not sure too many gay men would even want to be in this house. It causes, well, a primal scream.

  • From Bobby Hadley:
    How about American eclectic?

    How about pre-Tuscan Trash? It’s amazing the “look” people with lots of money manage to achieve, isn’t it? If you’re going to go for the “modernist/minimalist” look, at least invest in a good fake Picasso.

  • William & wife

  • @Matt Mystery – Perhaps it wasn’t clear that I was talking about a Mark, Rick or Steve who decorated the house in 1989 and never touched it again. This Mark, Rick, or Steve stands by his comment.