On the Market: Woodlands House of 1000 Pigments

No faux finishing technique — or potential painting surface — was spared in the latest redo of this 21-year-old 9,181-sq.-ft. Woodlands mansion in Grogan’s Point. You’ll count 6 or 7 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms, a study, and gameroom, all with walls carefully protected by multiple coats of carefully splotched pigment. Those finishing touches put the many wall colors of this home beyond the reach of description.


The cul-de-sac lot, which backs up to Grogan’s Point Rd., measures 1.18 acres. A guest house is in back, and there’s a 3-car garage. The home just showed up on the market last week, with a $1.42 million asking price. Ah, but those walls . . .

In back, you’ll find 2 cleverly disguised basketball half-courts, too: perfect for families who still might harbor a bit of embarrassment over their roundball addictions. The surface on Court 1 gets the faux putting green treatment. Meanwhile, Court 2 cleverly masquerades as a pool.

34 Comment

  • That…is…disgusting!

  • hmm.. maybe it doesn’t look so busy in person.. a little flat paint and new carpets should probably take care of that..

    And they’ll take the furniture with them, right?

  • The good news is, that’s the perfect house for kids-baby food, crayons, vomit, etc will never show up on those walls, nor will grimy handprints or scuff marks from shoes or toys.

  • Lord almighty that is one horrendous piece of work!

  • Nice! Just like the walls of my villa in Tuscany!

  • it’s over the top but I think it beats the hell out of boring beige.

  • That house be bling’n Faux ‘sho

  • Can’t tell, are those kitchen cabinets or is trompe l’oeil?

  • What a waste of money!

    We need “The Real Housewives of the Woodlands.” STAT.

  • If the owners are reading this and are taking offers on the antler chandelier CALL ME.

  • I count eight framed jerseys. But I guess if you do the math — one jersey per 1150 sq ft — it’s not so bad.

  • Well, at least they know what they like. That being said, for the love of all things faux, why is a grrr-animal covered chaise blocking the walkway in the master bath? What is the logic there? Is the concern that the mistress of the manor may overtire whilst plucking her eyebrows?

  • OMG, even more curious than the grrr-animal chaise… why are there faux curtains and columns behind the tub?

  • I think we found the cousin house of the circus-themed River Oaks one last week. Rich people with time and money are quite a volatile mix…

  • Ahhhh yes faux…to fool the eye…very expensive, so before you start putting it down..some artisian made a nice chunk of change doing this project which helped their economy and pleased the owners..maybe all of you are jealous…ponder! I know that most of you live in $1 mill plus homes…laughable…..

  • I just wanted to point out the plaid kitchen island. lol. awesome. This has could be made nice and boring with some good tan and beige paints without spending a fortune. I love the green basketball court.

  • why??????????????

  • I spy a Palin supporter.

  • @gary – it isn’t the cost of the project that matters, but the lack of taste that drove it. Laughable as it may be that most of the people commenting on this thread aren’t living in million dollar mansions (I’m guessing that you don’t either), it doesn’t compare to the comedy slathered yard upon yard within this home. (Also, just wondering – did you know that it is common for a space to fall after punctuation?)

    On another note, I feel like the owners might have really liked those blurry pictures that you have to stand about two feet back from and slightly cross your eyes, in order to see the hidden image.

  • Well, that’s one way to keep from having to buy art or poke pesky nail holes anywhere.

  • It’s not nice to make fun of the colorblind, guys.

  • Barf… This house is vile,disgusting,tacky, cheap looking: early bordello -whore house decor. God knows what the owner(s) were thinking when they puked all over this place. That’s right : they WEREN’T thinking. They just went with it. And now they have a horrible looking house. Good luck trying to sell this dump !!

  • This may be worse than that ultra vegasy contemporary home out in Memorial that was showcased on this blog a few months back. Yep, I threw up in my mouth just a bit. It’s worse.

  • Ok Ok now go back to your beige and earthtone apartment and your boring little life. I admire goldleaf and the maid doesn’t mop on linoleum floors after kids like you do.
    Love seeing the envy and jealousy of the small people who have opinions that nobody could care less about. What about the electric bill? I know, you wouldn’t buy it because it averages 3000 a month. Oh the haters are out on this one. It is bold and over the top. You are timid and broke.

  • Patrick,
    Better having sex in the “bordella” mansion than your garage apartment.

  • Awww! We have a troll = owner of the home in question(?). FYI, @southron: apartments with linoleum rarely boast much other than basic white walls; my eggshell and earthtone hues (NOT on the SAME wall) go pretty nicely with the hardwood floors thankyouverymuch. Fortunately, I do not have to take Dramamine just to walk around my place like the owners of this palace must.
    …Is linoleum even produced any more?

  • I could only dream of having a home like that, but thanks for the motivation. Must be a great home you have, can we view it somewhere perhaps? Surely with your discriminating tastes, we would enjoy it tremendously.
    I am the troll who keeps capitalism alive and well, that’s all.

  • Hideous. I check back every couple of days just to see if that thing is really there, of if I just made that horrendous thing up in my mind. I just can’t imagine what would posess someone to do something like that. Gives me the creeps. I would have nightmares about a killer clown jumping out of the paint at me. JEEZ!

  • Sometimes I lose my keys, or phone, in my house.
    In THIS home one could lose friends, pets, luggage!

  • I’ve been looking for a million dollar fixer upper. Anyone know a good painter?

  • Over The Top I am not crazy about the furnishings, but love all the colors, call me what you want, but it looks very happy. I am like the rest of you, I can’t even think of having a million dollar home, but I think if you buy a home you can do with it as you want. Lot of negativity, but as always opinions are cheap, therefore everyone has one.

  • Oh…all the basketball jerseys must be a clue of some sort.

  • I love it! What a statement! Just what the statement IS, I don’t know, but it is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY over the top! I’d like to wander around inside and just try to imagine the thought (or traumatic episode) that went into each shocking color scheme. I also love the comments here; I almost cried, laughing so hard!

  • Bwahahhaaa… Wonder if the money came from this invention?

    “Abstract: This invention relates to a kit and methods adapted for use in a vehicle glove compartment box, which provides assistance in various vehicular scenarios related to traffic tickets, DWIs, car wrecks, avoiding repossessions, and using lemon laws. The kit includes a container, camera, and booklet and is small enough to fit conveniently inside a vehicle glove box. The booklet contains sequential step-by-step instructions to assist the user with the vehicular scenarios and is written in a simple and easy-to-read format that does not require a legal dictionary to decipher. In simpler terms, the present invention provides common sense tips to help protect one’s legal rights.”