“What’s that photo — a coffin?” Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ve got a casket problem in your neighborhood, you know now that reporting it to Swamplot will get you results. Yes, just minutes after Swamplot posted photos of the mysterious burial chamber that a reader found tanning itself on the grounds of the College Memorial Park Cemetery on West Dallas St., intrepid KHOU 11 News reporter Courtney Zubowski was live on the scene, ready to investigate. Of course, if you’re with a TV news team it certainly helps to have someone else — with maybe some eye protection — on hand to do any heavy, uh, coffin prying that might be necessary. (That’s KHOU photographer Gregg Ramirez hard on the case in Zubowski’s photo, above). You know, just in case something pops up unexpectedly.

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Alas, the crack news team was unable to open the casket — it’s screwed or nailed tightly shut, and doesn’t look like it was meant to be opened, we’re told. But Zubowski reports that the stain on the wood exterior appears fresh, and that the whole thing is rather light. Yes, those handles on the side appear to be curtain rods. Her conclusion: The coffin “doesn’t appear as if it was ever used.” Unless this turns out to be an extremely slow news day, don’t expect to view a complete report this evening.

• Previously on Swamplot: Caught on Camera: Mysterious Coffin, Out and About in North Montrose Cemetery, Coffin Up, What? The Light After Dark at the College Memorial Park Cemetery, Are We Talkin’ New Coffin — or Used Coffin?

Photo: Courtney Zubowski, KHOU 11 News