New to the Market: All the Marbles, Behind the Curve

Can’t get enough marble tile, paneled doors, or finely wrought yet unobtrusive burglar bars? You’ll find this River Oaks gem just a swerve north of the Shepherd Curve. It appeared on MLS over the weekend.

A few delightful surprises inside:


Come on in, take off your coat, and have a look around!

Just 15 years old, this 2-3 bedroom, 2-bath, 2,872-sq.-ft. home is listed for $850,000.

44 Comment

  • Why does the word “fugly” come to mind?

  • That place has to be extremely cold in the winter time. Marble takes while to warm up.

    I’ve been seriously considering redoing my master bath for that reason alone.

  • Ugly house, in an bad location, with an obscene price.

    It will probably be sold within a few days.

  • Why does the phrase “get Medieval on your buttocks” come to mind?

  • from the “with more money than brains” segment of society.

  • Very fancy! …and Shepherd looks so peaceful from the photograph…

  • I like the dungeon-chic look of this place. But qhat is that riser in the 8th photograph? A band stand? If so… cool!

  • It’s a wonder it doesn’t sink.

  • Why are there still clothes in the closet? Is someone using that raised area in the living room as their bed?

    I don’t understand.

  • ‘rock’ on (sorry) keep those brickbats coming (sorry again)

  • Well obviously, the riser is for the throne. Which seems to be in a much smaller room, several pictures down.

  • This look — High Dungeon/High Queen. Wonder if the um…accoutrament come with it?

  • I’m experiencing some cognitive dissonance right now between the over the top finishes inside and the unassuming, “tract home manse” facade.

  • It’s easy baby. Just ask for a Jumbo. Leverage yourself (borrow heavily) for the impending explosion of house prices!

  • Tony and Carmela would love it.

  • Gee, it looks like a dream home for a “World of Warcraft” freak. I wonder how many times the phrases, “My lady…” and “My lord…” have been uttered in here (without irony).
    No one expects the Shepherd Inquisition.

  • I didn’t know Liberace had a house in Houston?!?!

  • Y’all are the same people that always complain that girls such as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc. are fat/ugly, etc., all while knowing you would sleep if them if only they would let you, and you would probably pass out from excitement if they would only talk to you or even acknowledge you. Point being, sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s probably worth more and finished nicer than the homes most of y’all own. It certainly is nicer than mine.
    Yes, it’s fun to criticize, but your criticism borders on stupidity. Put another way, yes, Britney has put on some weight, but, seriously, she would be fun to sit next to on an airplane.

  • Yeah, you haterz!

    (Actually, I really do like this house–maybe not to live in, but to visit? For sure! And I like lilDebbi’s comment about how the outside in no way prepares you for the dungeon lux interior.)

  • Nope, sorry, I wouldn’t sleep with/in this house if you gave it to me. Gut it, and use the stone works more sparingly and, um, tastefully…sure.

  • Truly hideous. What a waste of money…

  • I think LandMan is Landed Gent morphed into a new persona.

  • Baronial on a budget. Does it come with a dragon and a moat?

  • Is this Landman’s listing? This house is even too ugly to be a slump buster. I’d rather masturbate.

  • It is not my listing. I’m not even a realtor. I just recognize envy and personal frustration in the series of comments.

  • Landman be projecting.

  • LandMan – to assume that everyone has your garish and twisted Tudors tastes is a real leap. It is clear that most of us find this place hilariously hideous. Trust me – our nauseated delight is real.

    And on what post was Spears/Lohan discussed? I must hve missed that. But you, LM, clearly have a prediliction for a certain type of female and I must say, either would look perfect in dungeon drag.

  • Finness, you completely missed my points. I realize that not all of you like marble and baroque design, but to say that it is hideous/ugly/freakish really doesn’t add much. I don’t like ranch style houses, but I prefer to say I don’t like the plain styling rather than to say ranch houses are ugly and suck the life out of me. See, there’s a difference…it’s the difference between constructive criticism and mindless insults.
    The reference I made to Lohan and Spears was only to illustrate a point, but I think you knew that and only included your last point to take a cheap shot at me. I imagine you aren’t quite so bold in real life, but the Internet has emboldened many people with false bravado.

  • I’d bet the farm the homeowner has said, “I vant to suck your blood” to his guests. Well, something like that.

  • I bet the homeowner also owned a pretty kickass set of goblets, too.

  • Give it up, LandMan. Swamplot is full of haters. I’ve seen people here hate on new construction before the design is even revealed. They just assume they are going to hate it and start criticizing.

    The house isn’t my style, but to each there own. Someone put a lot money into those finishes. I hope they enjoyed it immensely before deciding to go elsewhere.

    The bigger issue, which no one seems to care about, is the insane amount of traffic that passes by the front of this house every day. That can’t be fixed at any price.

  • for the william randolph hearst mined,i take.

  • On second glance it has that “Lay Look” so one must wonder how many other “castles” their designer put together for those with more money than taste although maybe this is one of the many properties the Lay children at trying to dump while trying to keep up with their lifestyle that Daddy, or is that the investors, is no longer paying for.

    And Landman, I live in, well, the proverbial dump. Looking at his monstrosity, it’s not such a dump.

  • Oogly. A maintenance nightmare, with all that marble. And cold. And loud. And dark. Hell on earth. No thanks, milord.

  • This looks like a posh, well funded fraternity house.

  • to add to Miz’s list-

    Very unfriendly to kids, pets, the elderly or disabled. And don’t spill anything, either. That shiny marble becomes dangerously slick when wet.

    Anyone betting on how long this will be on the market? Maybe that could be a new guessing game.

  • I’ve never understood chandeliers in bathrooms, but I’ll give this place props for not being 20 different shades of beige and sticking to an esoteric theme in lieu of simply putting granite and marble everywhere in order to be termed “luxury”.

  • Hellsing, you have a point. But what this place really needs is a sisal rug to set off all the marble.

  • Landman, I completely agree with you on this in polite company, “I don’t like ranch style houses, but I prefer to say I don’t like the plain styling rather than to say ranch houses are ugly and suck the life out of me. See, there’s a difference…it’s the difference between constructive criticism and mindless insults.”

    But Swamplot is not polite company. Just look at the name. We are bored, internet surfers and we will and do have fun at others’ expense. Lighten up.

  • Umm…this thing is just screaming bordello to me. Where better to hide some ladies of the night than River Oaks?

  • This would make a great place to shoot that dungeons and dragons theme porno movie.

  • Emme, thank you for the second half of your comment. Nice to know that someone else doesnt take this too seriously. THere are so many people on swamplot that post regularly that really frighten me (and I’m sure that there are others that feel that way about me!)

  • Cherly,

    could you block out the porn scene you want to film in there?


  • My goodness gracious I’ve never seen so many ‘textures’ clashing in one place. The owner/designer must have been very sensuous (I mean sensual)!