- 26 Philbrook Way [HAR]
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Carlton Woods
- 43 Grand Regency Cir. [HAR]
Sure, nervous economists and friends, go ahead and fret about how the coming robot revolution is likely to decimate the availability of middle-class jobs. But the likely wide-ranging effects of technological change are notoriously difficult to predict. For example, after viewing the dramatic promotional video above, which brings to the treed expanse of a 0.78-acre vacant lot in The Woodlands the full power of remote-controlled robot-camera cinematic glory, does another possibility come to mind? With this marriage of drone footage, music-video-intro aesthetics, desktop video software, and soundtrack punch, has a Woodlands-area real estate agent stumbled upon the secret to unleashing desires hidden deep inside us all . . . to feed a new vacant land boom?
As delicate orchestral swells matched to lingering aerial pans and zooms tug at our emotions and the full majesty of 67 N. Glenwild Cir. (conveniently located  between The Woodlands Preparatory School and the entry gate to the Club at Carlton Woods Creekside) comes into view, can we imagine a new — dare we dream? — vacant-lot-buying frenzy, the wider availability of new technologies enabling craftily orchestrated drone footage to surround and tempt us, and transforming this once dowdy sector?
Flyover Country, The Woodlands
The main star of Atlanta rapper Gucci Mane’s newly-released music video for the song Nonchalant is arguably the townhome-sized closet in Lamar and Theresa Roemer’s Woodlands mansion, still up for grabs since its 2014 listing. It’s the swankiest rap stripper video filmed in The Woodlands all year!
The Roemers bought the home in 2013 and spent a couple million renovating it, including the addition of the 3-story closet-slash-wet-bar-slash-charity-party-venue. The closet was visited by a writer for Neiman Marcus’s blog in 2014, shortly after which a burglar stopped in — then attempted to blackmail Roemer into buying her own stuff back. Theresa Roemer listed the house herself at the end of 2014, after which it went on the market a few times (most recently for $7.95 million, down from an original asking price of $12.9 million). The place was supposed to be auctioned off last summer, but wasn’t; Platinum Luxury Auctions’s listing for the house does, however, imply that a new auction date might be set for this spring.
Much of the new video is set within the closet, as well as in the connecting full bath with garden tub (which gets some PG-13- to R-rated action):
Nonchalant in Carlton Woods
An expansive Mediterranean number in The Woodlands borders a nature reserve, but there’s nothing reserved about the sprawling home itself, which looks over the 11th fairway of the Carlton Woods Creekside Golf Course. Even the listing description eventually runs out of over-the-top adjectives to go with the photos. Envisioned by Patrick Berrios Designs and built by Termeer Custom Homes, the former Showcase of Homes home landed on the market earlier this month with a $3.35 million price tag. Its lot occupies about an acre well beyond the (manned) entrance gate of the community, which is accessed from Kuykendahl Rd. south of Spring Creek’s swath. Amid the interior’s layers of materials, iron ornamentation unspools (top) throughout the home, keeping anemia at bay.
Indoor Grilling
- 23 Legato Way [HAR]
Listing her home caps a whirlwind 5 months for Theresa Roemer. Back in June, The Woodlands socialite threw open the doors to her 3-story, 3,000-sq.-ft., $500k “she-cave” to a blogger from Neiman-Marcus, a move that would eventually attract both scorn and “You go, girl!” sentiments from around the world.
A burglar struck soon thereafter, and then attempted to blackmail her by threatening to tell the world that at least some of the haul of allegedly designer goods from her opulent trove were mere fakes, a threat the as-yet-unapprehended thief eventually carried out.
Around the same time, Roemer sued her estranged stepson for defamation of character. That matter has since settled, but the upheaval isn’t over: Roemer is now selling her home in the Carlton Woods subdivision of The Woodlands.
And when we say Roemer is selling her house, we mean just that: she is the listing agent for the 17,315 sq.-ft., 9-10 bedroom, 10 full and three half-bath, one 3-story closet manse at 47 Grand Regency Dr. The asking price: $12.9 million.
You’ve seen the pics on teevee, Culturemap and on newspapers from around the world. Here are real-live listing pics, and not just of the closet, but the whole house!
Scene of the Crime
 for $12.9 Million... "Pin It")
- 2 Norlund Way [HAR]
Prancing onto the market just yesterday: This 10,672-sq.-ft. gated bouquet in that cute little already gated neighborhood in The Woodlands, not far from the smaller mansion Chamillionaire generously handed over to the bank last year. Features 6 bedrooms, 6 full baths, 6 balconies, a 5-car garage, all guarded by a small army of spotlit corbels. There’s a putting and pitching green in the yard of the acre-plus lot; you can warm up there before braving the winding, mile-long trek to the Carlton Woods golf course.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: KEEPIN’ IT REAL IN CARLTON WOODS “few know who’s at home – Audis and Benzes inside fences – in The Woodlands. Pro ballers, TV talkers, all that Laying low Playing holes Paying assessment in The Woodlands. In the cages on off days The party cue, kids with a tutor, in The Woodlands.†[movocelot, commenting on A Look Inside The Woodlands Mansion Chamillionaire Gave Back to the Bank]
Here’s what you wanted to see: nice fuzzy photos of the 7,583-sq.-ft. mansion in a gated neighborhood in The Woodlands recently repossessed from rap star Chamillionaire. Talking to TMZ reporter and comedian Adam Glyn yesterday in front of the W Hotel near New York’s Times Square, the Houston native says he gave the house in Carlton Woods back to the bank because he “just didn’t feel like it was a good business investment to keep paying that much mortgage for a house that I’m never at.”
This house actually was my most expensive mortgage. And I decided to let that house go because the house ended up being worth nothing. When the market went down, the house went down too and it was just worth nothing. . . . I paid close to 2 million dollars for the house and I decided to just let it go, give it back to the bank. It wasn’t a situation where they came and took it from me. I felt like I didn’t want to pay that much money a month for a house that I’m never at. I was never at the house, I was always on the road touring . . .
The rap star, who bought the home under the name Hakeem Seriki Millionaire Mindframe Trust (Hakeem Seriki is his real name), actually paid $2.125 million for the property in 2006. TMZ reports the home was foreclosed on after the owner failed to make several payments. The 5-bedroom, 5 1/2-bath house on an acre-plus corner lot may have been “worth nothing” to him, but the bank will likely be able to squeeze a fair bit of money out of it:
