Note: Story updated below. Stand by for . . . the turret!
One of the nicest things about Swamplot is that we all care about our neighbors! So when one reader sends in a photo of a unique garage-chimney configuration balanced carefully on a townhome near the corner of Ashland and 16th St. in the Heights, it’s only natural that others in our community will want to volunteer their talents and services to help the situation.
The problem: The obvious allures of lick-and-stick stone facing have left a Heights homebuilder with a street face that’s a little . . . attention-getting?
The solution: It’s nothing an architect can’t fix — with a fresh copy of Photoshop and a toolkit of contemporary design favorites! Here’s the completed rendering that was sent into us:
If the $7.4 million price tag on his 12,734-sq.-ft. Friar Tuck French-chateau-that-is-actually-from-France turns out to be too much of a stretch, maybe you’ll be interested in the upcoming auction of real-estate developer Jerry J. Moore’s tchotchkes: “Many of Moore’s belongings were 19th century French, to go along with the French chateau-styled home that he owned on the eastern edge of Hunters Creek Village. 
Comment of the Day: Form, Function, and Home Security
“Properly implemented, turrets *are* good. The problem in this particular case as well as with so many modern faux-Tuscan and faux-Chateau adaptations is that architects fail to incorporate functional support for modern defensive armament and surveilance equipment. For instance, no McMansion is truely complete without a remote-controlled servo-actuated Browning M2 machine gun hardwired to the saferoom. But that critical bit of hardware doesn’t do the least bit of good if the turret does not project out from the structure or if it is lacking a sufficient number of meurtrieres to ensure an adequate field of fire. Along similar lines, I question the lack of murder holes above the entrances to such homes; no McMansion should be complete without the capability to dump a vat of scalding hot oil onto Jehovah’s Witnesses at the mere flick of a switch.” [TheNiche, commenting on Comment of the Day: Beauty Is in the Intention of the Landholder]