THAT THEATER SPACE IN THE NEW HOUSTON BALLET BUILDING REALLY CHAPS MY ASS 
“I have been going to the theater for nearly four decades, which means at the very least that I’ve encountered every possible sort of venue. I’ve sprawled on dirty gymnasium floors while watching modern dance, perched in rickety folding chairs during community Shakespeare productions, and squeezed into wooden fold-downs from the 19th century for long Mahler symphonies.
I’ve languished in some of the oldest opera houses of Europe, where the seats are notoriously awful. I am sorry to say that even paint-chipped baseball bleachers are more comfortable than the seven rows of upholstered benches in the Margaret Alkek Williams Dance Lab at Houston Ballet’s new Center for Dance.
. . . The seats are exactly one foot deep, with “backrests” only one foot high. Place two rulers in an “L†shape on your backside and you’ll get the idea: no support at all. You might be thinking that I should just lose some weight, and I won’t argue the point. However, a female friend told me recently that I have ‘no ass,’ so I don’t think it’s merely a matter of my size. I looked around and noticed everyone else shifting as well. There were several large people in the audience, and they looked positively miserable.” — Theodore Bale, reviewing a pair of Woody Allen plays put on by the Back Porch Players. [Culturemap; previously on Swamplot] Photo: Michael Coppens [license]
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Interiors
Who said looking for a match online is easy? This remade 4,818-sq.-ft. home on a half-acre lot near Hilshire Village was on the market almost continuously from fall 2006 to fall 2008 . . . then again in the spring of 2010, and this year from April to the end of June. But you’ve gotta have hope: It’s back on the market again as of last week. How about: 61-year-old Bellewood belle has heart of gold, kitchen counter of granite, master bedroom floor of berber. Grew up in staid suburban Spring Branch Ranch; still inscrutable at first glance, very different on the inside. Dedicated to imagining romantic self, internal growth. Stuck on cul-de-sac, but willing to break down walls to get what I need. Given to recurring fantasies involving candles and wrought-iron balconies; ready to go for baroque if the right offer comes along.
- 2 Cape Cod Ln. [HAR]
Sorry, all the furnishings shown here don’t come with. Which is sad, really, because if this is just the kind of place you’d like to live in, you’ll have to find each of these items on your own. This 5-bedroom, 3,075-sq.-ft. 10-year-old fully tiled house in Crighton Ridge — on the not-The-Woodlands side of I-45 — went on the market last week for $359,500.
- 22035 Buescher Rd. [HAR]
When last we left this little number in Pine Hollow — the longtime home of Preston Bolton, the Houston architect who did tall ceilings before tall ceilings were cool — it was 2008, and the place was listed for just south of $2 million. But it didn’t sell at that price, or a few other ones tried later. Last week it went back on the market at a new low: $1,450,000. Anything in this 1970 structure been, well, updated in the 3 intervening years? Well, the photos at least:
When he isn’t busy rebuilding the entire block of Colquitt between Greenbriar and Morningside, Houston architect Scott Ballard puts his mind to work solving difficult domestic problems. F’rinstance: how to enjoy indoor sports in the comfort of your home more . . . oh, unobtrusively? Ballard’s wife “wasn’t thrilled” about the ping-pong table he and his kids parked in the family’s living room a couple years ago, he tells the Chronicle‘s Ken Hoffman. A few sketches, hired guns, and failed prototypes later, and — presto! Ballard came up with the solution: The Ping Pong Coffee Table. And it’s for sale!
Montrose all-star convenience store Pak’s has been hit by the same pair of robbers 5 times in the last 8 months. And now it’s been remodeled, with an eye on security. The cashier area is now surrounded by glass, and a new wall adjacent to it now extends from the front to the back, closing off one side of the store, Swamplot photographer Candace Garcia reports. Behind that wall is a mysterious black box, measuring maybe 500 sq. ft. that’s visible to the street. What’s going in there? An owner confirms to Garcia it’s a new lease space, though no tenant has been identified yet.
How many games of saltwater volleyball have actually been played in the backyard pool of this opened-up 1938 cottage at one of Colquitt’s stub ends? Inside, walls have been removed in the main living space, and colors let loose. Still: 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, in 2,338 sq. ft. Plus, whatever you play in the back, all those folks in the 5-story Upper Kirby Apartments across Morningside looking down on you from their neighborhood-side windows will no doubt be jealous that you get that backyard space all to yourselves. More pics:
Intrigued by the low asking price on this one-bedroom condo just inside the West Loop — but curious what sorts of interesting things might be lurking, say, under the refrigerator? Crawl on in and have a look around with us:
Teevee news cameras provide a glimpse of the open-plan home fashioned out of a 12-ft.-by-25-ft. RV and boat storage unit in a long shed across the street from the I-10 East Golden Corral Restaurant. Prince and Charlomane Leonard have their home of 3 years all to themselves now, but they’re not happy about it: After a single 3-hour visit from Harris County’s Child Protective Services last month, the couple’s 6 children, ages 2 through 12, were removed from the home on McNair St. near Sheffield Blvd., which was declared an “unsafe environment” for the children. The Chronicle‘s Anita Hassan reports the Leonards had been planning to build a home for themselves on land they own in Liberty County, but couldn’t get a loan.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: BUT IN THE DARK ALL CAT CARPETS ARE GRAY 
“They look closer to jaguar spots to me. Cheetahs have solid spots.” [Greg, commenting on Houston Home Listing Photos of the Day: Cheetahs in the Bedrooms] Photo of 2201 Avalon Pl.: HAR
