COMMENT OF THE DAY: THERE’S A LITTLE BIT OF TUSCANY IN EVERY OLIVE GARDEN “What culinary region of Italy brought us bottomless salad and bread sticks?” [bassmaster, commenting on Sabetta Café Makes Sure To Feed the Blogs First]
Sign up for the Newsletter
Tag: Theming
Over the weekend we finally got the big reveal from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, featuring the 15-member Beach Family in Kemah. Pictured above: the new Therapy Room, modeled after “the carnival in Kemah.”
Next from the Beaches’ new 6,340-sq.-ft. home: magical mushrooms in the “Trees and Tea Parties Room.”
Now that photos have been posted — and the asking price has been chopped a full 7 percent — the whole world gets to peek inside the full-floor condo in The Huntingdon that belonged to Enron founder and CEO Ken Lay and his wife Linda. The buildout on the 33rd floor of 2121 Kirby Dr. was designed in the late nineties by Houston architect Leslie Barry Davidson, who’s proven herself versatile in many historical styles that pre-date highrise construction. But the listing photos show what looks like a glum castle retreat for a king and queen who’ve lost their jester.
Oh, but those 360-degree skyline views of Houston! And really, with angry investors and Californians likely to approach from any direction, you’d maybe want a hideout with 4 good corner balconies, just so you can assess the risks:
Note: Story updated below. Stand by for . . . the turret!
One of the nicest things about Swamplot is that we all care about our neighbors! So when one reader sends in a photo of a unique garage-chimney configuration balanced carefully on a townhome near the corner of Ashland and 16th St. in the Heights, it’s only natural that others in our community will want to volunteer their talents and services to help the situation.
The problem: The obvious allures of lick-and-stick stone facing have left a Heights homebuilder with a street face that’s a little . . . attention-getting?
The solution: It’s nothing an architect can’t fix — with a fresh copy of Photoshop and a toolkit of contemporary design favorites! Here’s the completed rendering that was sent into us:
COMMENT OF THE DAY: FORM, FUNCTION, AND HOME SECURITY “Properly implemented, turrets *are* good. The problem in this particular case as well as with so many modern faux-Tuscan and faux-Chateau adaptations is that architects fail to incorporate functional support for modern defensive armament and surveilance equipment. For instance, no McMansion is truely complete without a remote-controlled servo-actuated Browning M2 machine gun hardwired to the saferoom. But that critical bit of hardware doesn’t do the least bit of good if the turret does not project out from the structure or if it is lacking a sufficient number of meurtrieres to ensure an adequate field of fire. Along similar lines, I question the lack of murder holes above the entrances to such homes; no McMansion should be complete without the capability to dump a vat of scalding hot oil onto Jehovah’s Witnesses at the mere flick of a switch.” [TheNiche, commenting on Comment of the Day: Beauty Is in the Intention of the Landholder]
COMMENT OF THE DAY: BEAUTY IS IN THE INTENTION OF THE LANDHOLDER “Houston is full of architectural bad taste, but it tends to be bad taste that politely pays obeisance to prevailing norms of bad taste. Hence the faux-Tuscan McMansion becomes a self-perpetuating meme. Developers keep building them and homebuyers keep buying them [and] because they see so many other versions of the same crap, they start believing that turrets are good. La Luz del Mundo utterly ignores the norms of architectural tastes in Houston (which are horrible but all [too] common). Its crimes against taste are unique and displayed with gusto. Unlike the buyer of a faux-Tuscan architectural travesty, the congregants of La Luz del Mundo don’t care what other people think. To which I say, right on!†[RWB, commenting on Freeway Church of the Eastex Holy Roaming Empire: Shining a Little Light on La Luz Del Mundo]
A reader calls this odd home “a lottery winner’s dream!” The listing agent calls it “the ultimate bachelor pad.” But does either pitch fully explain what’s going on in this $4 million, 6,753-sq.-ft. medieval chateau fantasy in Rivercrest Estates?
A few highlights:
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE SOMETHING IN TUSCAN? 
If the $7.4 million price tag on his 12,734-sq.-ft. Friar Tuck French-chateau-that-is-actually-from-France turns out to be too much of a stretch, maybe you’ll be interested in the upcoming auction of real-estate developer Jerry J. Moore’s tchotchkes: “Many of Moore’s belongings were 19th century French, to go along with the French chateau-styled home that he owned on the eastern edge of Hunters Creek Village. Auction items include marble statues, bronze statues, a 19th century billiards table and a Steinway grand piano. ‘All of the furnishings are the best of the best,’ says Ray Simpson, owner of Simpson Galleries. ‘Everything he did was over the top.’†Moore died last year. [Houston Business Journal] Photo: Simpson Galleries
NO, YOU CAN’T SEE KEN AND LINDA LAY’S RENAISSANCE-Y HIGHRISE CONDO The storied full-floor unit on the 33rd floor of the Huntingdon at 2121 Kirby is at long last on the market . . . for $12.8 Million: “The condo sale is being handled privately by Beau Herrold, Linda Lay’s son from her first marriage. Tours are by invitation only . . . When a Chronicle reporter expressed interest in seeing the condo, so as to best to describe the Italian renaissance decor and ‘villa-style living’ touted in a real estate flier, Herrold had only one comment. ‘I bet you would.’” [Houston Chronicle]
STUDEWOOD GETS ITS SPAGHETTI WESTERN Former chef Robert Gadsby had named his new Heights restaurant after his hometown, in England. But that was so late-last-year. Here’s the latest: “Partners Bryan Caswell and Bill Floyd announced Friday afternoon they signed papers to take over the Heights restaurant Bedford and will turn it into a modern Italian restaurant. Think Texas toast meets Tuscan steak, Caswell said. ‘We’re trying to draw the similarities between the rustic-oriented qualities of the Tuscan region with the rustic qualities of the Texas region,’ Caswell said.” Caswell and Floyd own Reef and Little Big’s. [Cook’s Tour; previously on Swamplot]
COMMENT OF THE DAY: THE HOUSTON FLOOD HOUSE “. . . Lifting every flood-threatened home one story would solve so many problems – where to park the cars, where to store the trash can, where to house the nanny, where to store the wine (doesn’t everybody have these problems?) Just like old-time Louisiana homes. (Anyone been to Laura Plantation?) A while back there was discussion on Swamplot concerning a prototypical or traditional Houston architecture type. I think it should be dog-trot style, with roof-top garden, and raised on gulf-coast-style columns.” [movocelot, commenting on From Show House to Wet House to No House: Saying Goodbye the MacGregor Way]
COMMENT OF THE DAY: THE ELUSIVE ESSENCE OF RIVER OAKS “What the hell is ‘A River Oaks style Tuscan beauty’? Can you just add a couple million to the sales price of a house by adding the words ‘River Oaks’ to the description? . . .” [Bernard, commenting on Swamplot Price Adjuster: Blue Bonnet Spread]
COMMENT OF THE DAY: NORTH SHEPHERD AUTOMOTIVE DISTRICT EXPANSION PROGRAM “Forget Ross and Kroger….I’m excited about the new Auto Parts store that just put up a contruction sign up on 11th and Dorothy (across from Dragon Bowl). How exciting to have a third auto parts store within the 1/10th mile!!!” [biggerintexas, commenting on Opening Day: H-E-B Buffalo Market Stampede Begins]
Fresh from a first visit to the new butterfly-roofed, design-pedigreed H-E-B Market on Buffalo Speedway at Bissonnet — which opened to the public bright and early at 6 o’clock this morning — a reader writes in with a report:
There were uniformed traffic directing cops with loud whistles herding eager shoppers into the parking lot. In the entry way, I was greeted by HEB Buddy, some kind of a brown bag cartoon character. The store was packed and had a carnival-like atmosphere. HEB was well-prepared with quadruple staff greeting and answering questions. The buffalo speedway side seems to be more of the Central Market stuff, like Cafe On the Run, bakery, fish market, etc. And the rest of the store feels more like an HEB with Central Market products integrated throughout. As a regular shopper at Central Market, I think having some cheaper alternatives nearby will save me money.
More photos, plus . . . the downside:
DISASTER CITY IN COLLEGE STATION: MODELED AFTER THE WORST Lisa Taddeo reports from a pancaked House of Pancakes, a couple of miles south of the Texas A&M campus: “You cannot think calmly when you’re staring into a rubble pile of bodies, half of them moving and half of them still. You have to have been there before. Suppressing panic during crisis takes practice, which is precisely why 150 people have gathered on this dusty 52-acre plot called Disaster City in College Station, Texas: to practice imposing order where normally there isn’t any. . . . Disaster City isn’t a city but a vast disaster-simulation center designed to look and feel as close to catastrophe as you ever want to be. Each hairline crack, each mangled car, all the mountains of rubble are modeled on wreckage from real disasters, like the 1994 Northridge earthquake in Los Angeles that killed 72 people and injured nearly 12,000. The 1993 World Trade Center bombing inspired the collapsed parking garage, with cars dangling off the sides like spiders from a ceiling, while the 12-foot-deep rubble catacombs resemble those from Ground Zero. ‘It’s like a Jerry Bruckheimer set,’ says Brian Smith, Disaster City’s public information officer.” [Popular Science, via Planetizen]